It's a Process

Inconsistency and contradiction has been the motif of my life story. I've done well in this, while still doing that. I'll start off strong only to weaken throughout. I'd say I'm coming and not end up going. I'd stop this only to begin it again. I'd make promises and not keep them.

I believe that God is preparing me for something. At least, I did believe it and I still do. Though now, I'm not as sure. I'm not so sure of anything. I've given up drinking, smoking, sex, broke up with my boyfriend b/c long ago God told me he wasn't the one. Although it hasn't been long I'm questioning myself already.

Perhaps it's the process of purification, but I'm wondering was I so sure in the first place. I haven't been to church, at least my church in a while. I've been to this new one, but I'm not so sure of it. I've been talking to God more often, but not like I imagined I would. I'm confused.

My work is slowly losing its fulfillment. There's so much to be done, which is a motivator to me. I'm just questioning the validity of what's being done. I guess its just a learning phase, but bureaucracy and emotion are causing some to lose sight of the focus. To the point where I'm questioning if we all even have the same focus. The organization has no established values or goals and it causing us to stay disconnected. The disservice is to the one's we serve and I'm just not sure how long I can be a part of that.

Integrity & Values : I guess I'm starting to develop some of my own.

Creativity, I need to express this energy.

I'm uneasy spiritually and it's manifesting itself in other aspects of my life.

I'm not sure of much, but what I know for sure, is that I'm tired of quitting, tired of being inconsistent.

Maybe is part for the course, joys of the journey, the process of purification.